{40w3d}

I thought I was peeing myself.

Today felt different, but not different enough to make a fuss. My husband found a four leaf clover and brought it to me while we were at work, and we laughed about it possibly being a sign. I made sure I printed out my call list so that my husband, mother, and sister knew who to contact in the event that God would allow us to go into labor on our own, but still worried that I'd have to be induced next week.

Then, after coming home from work, I decided against shopping for last minute things and opted instead to head home and take a nap.

I wasn't asleep for very long before I was woke up by a noise from outside, and as I rolled over to get more comfortable, I felt like I had just involuntarily leaked a little urine.

Nice.

So I got up to go to the bathroom and found my pantyliner fairly soaked, but there was no blood, cramping, or contractions, so I decided to try and finish my nap.

But just as I got settled into position, it happened again.

Another quick bathroom check revealed the same findings, so I decided my nap time wasn't going to happen. And as I headed into the kitchen to find something to eat, I felt it again.

This couldn't be my water breaking; I wasn't feeling contractions, I had no blood, I hadn't lost my mucous plug and there just wasn't that obvious gush they talk about in birthing class. But just to be safe, I texted one of my connections in the labor and delivery land and was strongly advised to head in and get checked, just in case.

I debated for a good fifteen minutes whether or not I should go in. I didn't want to be the girl that cried wolf, especially not the girl that cried wolf because she couldn't control her bladder. But my group B strep diagnosis was heavy on my heart and I knew that if I was indeed leaking amniotic fluid, I'd never forgive myself if I ignored it out of fear of rejection and my baby suffered because of it.

So a quick call to my husband, a re-application of makeup and fifteen minutes later, we were headed to the hospital with our bag in the backseat, just in case. I made sure my husband knew not to let anyone know where we were going, because I couldn't stand the embarrassment that would ensue when our family found out I was in the hospital after peeing myself.

Everything felt so surreal once we were admitted to labor and delivery, where they asked me to pee in a cup, drew my blood, and hooked me up to monitors. I still felt like I was going to be sent home at any minute, and even began apologizing profusely for peeing on the nurse as she checked my cervical position and dilation.

She smiled and said she wouldn't be needing my ferning slide to check for a rupture, because I hadn't just peed on her after all. In fact, after moving the baby's head up slightly, she had opened up the floodgates and I had just leaked a large amount of amniotic fluid all over her.

My water had broken earlier, but the baby's head was acting as a plug, explaining why I had no major gush of fluid before.

Suddenly, I realized I wasn't going back home. And now here I am, listening to the rush of my baby's heartbeat on the monitor while an IV administers the antibiotics for my group B strep, waiting for my husband to bring me a bagel for fuel.

I'm contracting every six to eight minutes, but nothing strong enough to feel, and I'm still only dilated to a two. In just a few minutes, I'll start to roam the halls and see if I can get something moving along before midnight, because that's when they'll begin pitocin to get this party started if I can't manage it on my own.

This is what I wanted, to go into labor on my own. This is what I prayed for, what I asked others to pray for. And now I'm here, in a hospital bed, less than twenty four hours away from meeting my little miracle, and it still doesn't feel real.

Soon, I'll start feeling contractions, and it will be time to find out if my tiny human is a boy or girl.

And we still haven't even finalized names.

I also never got that darn enema, didn't get to take a shower, and never found the perfect going home outfit; but I did paint my toenails, get a spray tan, my hair is colored and my makeup is on, so I suppose I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

It's time.

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinetly rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..."
-Isak Dinesen