But that doesn't stop me from wishing God would fly down a paper airplane, full of written instructions, clearly interpreted details and endless answers to life's greatest mysteries that would land gracefully in the palm of my hand.
But after spending the last three and a half years in the midst of trials and tribulations in the form of infertility, failed treatments and countless negative pregnancy tests, I've realized that God's timing is always perfect. And sometimes-if we just hold still long enough to look for them-we'll see His paper airplanes flying all around us.
I know this because I just found a few of my own in the form of low-but-rising-betas, a positive pregnancy test, and a precious little heartbeat on a fuzzy black ultrasound screen.
I still have yet to reach that coveted place of spotless trust, full peace and complete understanding, but I have accepted that God knows what He's doing, and that's a start. For some reason He chose us to venture along this journey, and though the heartache, tears, mental and physical exhaustion were immense, they were all worth it in the end.
Because we are finally here, growing our family and looking to God to send us His own version of paper airplanes to guide us along the way. Two IUI's, four IVF's, fifty-million prayers and several pee sticks later, we are finally expecting our miracle, and getting to this point has been anything but boring.
This roller coaster has brought us right to where God intended us to be, and the ride isn't over yet. But we serve a God that is gracious and merciful, and we are praying that He'll complete this work that He's started and allow us to raise this little one up to know what an amazing, miraculous story he or she has had since the day they were conceived.
So in the meantime, while we wait for God to send us down that paper airplane with all of life's questions answered, we'll praise Him for the ones He's already granted us, and watch patiently as this new journey unfolds and brings us even more reasons to glorify Him.
And His paper airplanes.
"Everything that's worth having comes with trials worth withstanding."