I'm ridiculously bossy, extremely anal, and I need my space. And because of this sickness, I was pretty nervous about getting married and having to share a bed, a bathroom, and my routines. It was somewhat of a difficult transition, but it worked perfectly in the end and I learned to share, even though it hasn't always been easy.
Surprisingly, despite my inability to share well, I'm enjoying the fact that my body is currently being invaded by a tiny human. Pregnancy is amazing, especially now that we are officially into the second trimester and energy is back up, my chest is no longer sore, the slight midday nausea has disappeared, the ravenous cravings have stopped and I'm no longer in a constant state of lethargy.
If it wasn't for that amazing doppler, I wouldn't even know I was pregnant.
Well, except for the fact that my usually flawless skin transformed about a week ago into foreign mess of breakouts on my upper back and chest, and my scalp is dry and flaky. But I figure it could always be worse, and it's nothing that a quick trip to Target and about fifteen minutes of standing in the acne isle, perplexed by all of the creams, washes, pads and sprays plus a bottle of head and shoulders can't fix.
And I'm still struggling a little with the weight gain, though I'm trying my best to contain my obsession. I've never been stick thin and genetics are pretty much against that ever being the case, but I spent so much time and effort getting my body ready for our fourth and final IVF cycle that my mindset was tweaked and hasn't found it's way back yet. The eight to ten pound weight gain happened back when I was just seven or so weeks along and I've managed to hold it steady for the last six weeks, but it's still a constant battle to find that medium between being healthy, and obsessing over bodily changes that I can't control.
I can feel you all shaking your fingers at me, but the reality is, I'm just now in the second trimester and have already gained a third of the recommended weight for a pregnancy. I want to stay healthy, I want to continue to work out, and I want my baby to get everything he or she needs to thrive. And while the scale shouldn't be a stress to me at this point, I do want to be aware of it-but not obsessed with it-as I watch my body change and develop that glorious baby bump I've waited years for.
But despite my new skin debacle of epic proportions and the fact that my body is no longer my own, pregnancy is the most amazing thing I've ever been a part of. The further along we get, the more the fear is being lifted and this experience is becoming a reality instead of just a dream.
This is as good as it gets because right now, I am as close to this child as I'll ever be. It's growing and living inside of my body, protected from the dangers of the outside world. I can carry him or her with me everywhere I go, and I don't have to worry about feedings, diaper changes, crying fits or strollers. I can still go out shopping whenever I want to, go to the gym as I please, travel without having to pack massive amounts of extra baggage, and sleep in on the weekends. I can still work out, shower, put on makeup and hear myself think. And while I'm more than ready for all of the above to be part of my life, I'm enjoying right now while I still have it all to myself.
Because in a few short months, sharing will bring on a whole different meaning.
My life will no longer be my own. Every move, every thought, everything I do will be determined by or related to this tiny, precious little one that God has put in my care, and nothing-my body, my life-will ever be the same again.
But I'm so ready to share.
"There is no delight in owning anything unshared."