{New York}

They called it the perfect storm.

Had we chosen any other clinic in New York, we would have been affected, our cycle delayed, our dreams crushed.  But God chose to move my California Doctor to Syracuse, city up on a hill, just a few hours short of the worst part of the storm and completely unaffected by anything other than heavy rain and high winds. And though the second half of our trip was spent in Manhattan where the devastation was much closer, we didn't arrive until a few days later when the power was back up and all was safe.

God protected us.

This was a difficult post to write.

I've started and ended it several times, never satisfied with the final result.  I'm sitting with my heart torn in a million pieces as I'm dying with anticipation for the beta results that I'll receive in the next few hours, amazed that we traveled into New York just in time for a devastating hurricane, excited to possibly be pregnant, scared  I may not be, and full of sorrow for those affected by this awful storm. 

I'm in awe of God's power and the fact that He placed us safely in exactly the right place, so that instead of fearing for our lives on October 29th, we instead transferred two beautiful embryos back into my uterus where they belong inside a beautiful, peaceful, and calm fertility clinic.  While others closeby were in the midst of complete terror and chaos, my dreams were coming true, just an arms reach away from Sandy.

We arrived back home safely last night.  We spent our time in New York watching Scarlett Grace fall in love with the indoor water park at our resort near Syracuse, and then we celebrated her 18 month birthday walking around central park and the zoo.  The trip was perfect, the thaw and transfer went smooth, and I'll find out shortly if I've brought home more than just a few trinkets of souvenirs from our stay.  But I'm struggling to focus on the fact that I may or may not be pregnant, when there is so much else to pray for right now. 

So many others who have lost so much, while we enjoyed our vacation.

Right now, I'm thankful that we were kept safe, but my heart is breaking for those I know that fell victim to Sandy.

There are so many praying for us, so many who have kept us in their thoughts over these past several weeks.  I've received countless texts, emails and phone calls-both asking about our safety and extending their thoughts about our FET-and I feel so incredibly blessed.  But I also feel selfish, because through this experience, I've realized how much my prayer life for others is lacking.  With so many praying for me, have I been praying for them?  We all go through difficult situations, and have I been so wrapped up in my own selfish prayers that I have missed out on the blessing of praying for so many others?

So with each text that comes my way today, with each email that lands in my mailbox, and with each phone call that I receive, I'm challenging myself to pray for those sending prayers my way.  Baby or no baby, we have seen God's awesome power and we have been held safely in His hands, and it's time now to give this situation of our FET back to Him, prepare our hearts for either answer, and instead focus on the needs of others.  Because we know that God is good-our refuge and our salvation-and He is able to calm any storm.

Weather it's in the form of infertility, or named Sandy.

The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms

Deuteronomy 33:27 (KJV)